I nodded, but I hadn’t been thinking of slowing down. I had been thinking of slamming the brakes and putting the car in reverse. Red flashes of light had shot through my head, telling me we clearly need to stop. “I should go.” Caleb’s face fell, pulling on my heartstrings, so I quickly added, “I’ll see you tomorrow if you’re free before my meeting, but I think we need some space tonight.”
Before he could convince me to stay, I pushed myself off the plush couch and hurried from the room. My body still pulsed with desire, and I didn’t trust myself to stay strong.
I hurried back down the main hall and pushed open the door to the outside, hoping the air would be cool enough to tame the fire raging inside me, but it was still warm. Sighing, I forced my thoughts to something else, anything else, hoping to tame the flame that way.
My face still felt flushed as I opened the door to the room. Jess looked up and grinned a malicious smile. “Uh oh, did the goody girl get some? Not so high and mighty now, huh?”
“What? No, I didn’t,” I stammered, “but I can see how people lose control now. And I am not high and mighty.”
“It’s not a big deal,” Jess said, “It’s a normal part of life and yes you are. You act like you are better than everyone with your Bible and your virginity.”
Shaking my head, I sat on the bed and grabbed my Bible for comfort. The textured black cover radiated calming waves as I held it to my chest, and my heart slowed. “I’m not trying to act like I’m better. I’m just trying to follow God’s word. I know intimacy is a natural part of life, but it is supposed to be reserved for marriage. Otherwise, it becomes natural with everyone you date, and it loses its special meaning.”
Jess shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with that, and it’s special every time, believe me.”
“Do you really believe that?” I asked. I didn’t want to sound preachy, but if it were as special as she claimed, why was she always so moody? “Don’t you think it would be more special if you really loved the person, and they loved you back? If you were in a committed relationship?”
“You don’t know anything about me.”
Her hard exterior was returning, and I knew I was losing her. “Not for lack of trying. I’ve been trying to get to know you all week, but you keep throwing up walls.”
“Whatever. We have nothing in common.”
“We might. If you’d talk to me, we might find lots in common. At the very least we wouldn’t feel so alone.”
“I don’t feel alone,” Jess said, “I have Chad.” And she turned back to her book.
I stifled a small sigh, clasped the Bible tighter to my chest, and leaned back against my pillow. Jess was going to be a tough one, but I would keep trying.